The parting of people who once loved each other always makes them sad. In building a relationship, they expected to find intimacy, comfort, and stability. Why did the expectations turn out to be a failure, and what frequent traps fall in love women? Young girls are sure that only in romantic sagas, TV series and other fiction can one see examples of true passionate love. They believe that a man who loves must also look at the world and feel the same emotions as they do. And when it turns out that this is far from being the case, they feel cheated of their very best feelings. To save yourself from disappointment, you must begin to learn to see the world through a man's eyes. It should be realized that the male perspective on the relationship can be radically different from the female, so you need to protect yourself from the most common pitfalls 1. In love or in love? If a man is passionately thirsty for a girl's company, shows her accentuated attention and shows with all his appearance that he is madly in love, the girl begins to mentally try on the veil and think about who to invite to the wedding, and sometimes the names of future children. You shouldn't do it. For men, different organs are responsible for falling in love and marriage. So if he is not currently in the mood to start a family, he is looking for an easy and unencumbered relationship without the extra financial cost. And even the most wonderful girl is unlikely to change his mind, especially if it does not coincide with the image of an ideal wife, which has every man. A man may like this girl a lot, he may have feelings for her, affection, but at the same time, this does not mean that the relationship with her he considers as serious. Falling in love with a man implies passionate emotions and impulses that are satisfied and pass away. A girl should know that when a man really loves, he respects, cares and declares his intentions. 2. To promise is not to marry Women like ears, and many men take advantage of this. They support the girls' dreams of a cloudless future, make plans together, express their intentions to do something for the girl and... do nothing. But they constantly talk about the feats they are willing to accomplish to make her happy: "Beloved, I will take you to the very edge of the universe, I will give you this star...". Thus, in order to bind her to himself, he wins her over, demonstrating her importance to himself. Expectations that things are about to change bind all the more, real feats are substituted with imaginary ones. The girl continues to believe and wait, gives him strength and energy, and nothing changes. Importance have not beautiful words and promises, but the real facts and actions. And if they do not, you should not waste years on a man who does not want to do anything for you. 3. Make any sacrifices Many women believe that true love can be estimated only by the sacrifice that is shown for her. And if a man treats her badly, cheats, and is disrespectful, it's worth it to be patient, and it's bound to change. You just have to love him more. And the man feels his impunity and gets even more insolent. Psychologists believe that the men by their nature similar to fighting dogs - they need from the beginning to say firmly that you can, and what is strictly forbidden, otherwise he will be confident that he is allowed to do everything. Many girls are afraid of being alone, so they do not declare their desires and needs, hoping that the man himself will guess them. The girl is trying in every possible way to adjust to the man's demands, refuses to give up her interests, personal desires. And a man tries to have complete control over a woman so that all her energy goes only to him, and when he gets it, he gets bored, because he has already received everything. If a girl fails to develop as a personality, she ceases to arouse interest, admiration, unpredictability and novelty disappears from relationships. Then the man looks around in search of a new, interesting toy, and more often than not, he finds it. The parting of people who once loved each other always makes them sad. In building a relationship, they expected to find intimacy, comfort, and stability. Why did the expectations turn out to be a failure, and what frequent traps fall in love women? Young girls are sure that only in romantic sagas, TV series and other fiction can one see examples of true passionate love. They believe that a man who loves must also look at the world and feel the same emotions as they do. And when it turns out that this is far from being the case, they feel cheated of their very best feelings. To save yourself from disappointment, you must begin to learn to see the world through a man's eyes. It should be realized that the male perspective on the relationship can be radically different from the female, so you need to protect yourself from the most common pitfalls 1. In love or in love? If a man is passionately thirsty for a girl's company, shows her accentuated attention and shows with all his appearance that he is madly in love, the girl begins to mentally try on the veil and think about who to invite to the wedding, and sometimes the names of future children. You shouldn't do it. For men, different organs are responsible for falling in love and marriage. So if he is not currently in the mood to start a family, he is looking for an easy and unencumbered relationship without the extra financial cost. And even the most wonderful girl is unlikely to change his mind, especially if it does not coincide with the image of an ideal wife, which has every man. A man may like this girl a lot, he may have feelings for her, affection, but at the same time, this does not mean that the relationship with her he considers as serious. Falling in love with a man implies passionate emotions and impulses that are satisfied and pass away. A girl should know that when a man really loves, he respects, cares and declares his intentions. 2. To promise is not to marry Women like ears, and many men take advantage of this. They support the girls' dreams of a cloudless future, make plans together, express their intentions to do something for the girl and... do nothing. But they constantly talk about the feats they are willing to accomplish to make her happy: "Beloved, I will take you to the very edge of the universe, I will give you this star...". Thus, in order to bind her to himself, he wins her over, demonstrating her importance to himself. Expectations that things are about to change bind all the more, real feats are substituted with imaginary ones. The girl continues to believe and wait, gives him strength and energy, and nothing changes. Importance have not beautiful words and promises, but the real facts and actions. And if they do not, you should not waste years on a man who does not want to do anything for you. 3. Make any sacrifices Many women believe that true love can be estimated only by the sacrifice that is shown for her. And if a man treats her badly, cheats, and is disrespectful, it's worth it to be patient, and it's bound to change. You just have to love him more. And the man feels his impunity and gets even more insolent. Psychologists believe that the men by their nature similar to fighting dogs - they need from the beginning to say firmly that you can, and what is strictly forbidden, otherwise he will be confident that he is allowed to do everything. Many girls are afraid of being alone, so they do not declare their desires and needs, hoping that the man himself will guess them. The girl is trying in every possible way to adjust to the man's demands, refuses to give up her interests, personal desires. And a man tries to have complete control over a woman so that all her energy goes only to him, and when he gets it, he gets bored, because he has already received everything. If a girl fails to develop as a personality, she ceases to arouse interest, admiration, unpredictability and novelty disappears from relationships. Then the man looks around in search of a new, interesting toy, and more often than not, he finds it.
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Do not agree to relationships that do not suit you. It's the only way to create a relationship that works for you. It is almost an obvious and not very smart principle but not many people follow it. I know a lot of stories where people stay in relationships that don't suit them. In these relationships they are physically beaten, emotionally humiliated, financially tyrannized - in short, these relationships are not at all safe and nourishing. It's hard for people in these relationships, their life in no way can be called happy... And they stay in these relationships anyway. Why stay? Mostly out of fear, whether you're lonely or judgmental. There were more reasons, of course, but in this case they were unnecessary. Knowing them won't make much difference. In this post I want to talk about something else. If you want a happy life, you should not agree to a relationship that does not suit you. I realize that this kind of appeal is very easy to misinterpret. Like, if my wife doesn't obey me unquestioningly, some man will decide, then this relationship doesn't suit me and I don't need to keep it. I knew a man like that - he would literally say the following: "If my wife doesn't listen to me, if my mother-in-law doesn't listen to me, then I have nothing to do in this house - there is no love here!". Of course, I'm not writing about such situations. That's not what I mean. If you are not satisfied with the relationship, you should not tolerate it, but change the situation vigorously. It is even possible to outline a short algorithm of such a change: 1. Admit that the relationship isn't satisfying. That is, honestly, without subterfuge, say out loud: "This relationship doesn't suit me.". It may be sad, or even sad, but say so. And better aloud to hear this confession in all its power. 2. Let your partner know that it doesn't suit me, I won't stay in it, but I don't want to leave. And then there is this list of changes. A small remark - it's better to make a list of changes in advance, and it's better to be very specific. Say, "Pay more attention to me" is bullshit, not change. But "let's spend every Saturday together, let's turn off our cell phones" is better. Another small remark. I am not the only one who has noticed that a conversation built on the position "I will not put up with this and if I have to, I will leave" often leads to the straightening of the partner's brain. Let's say a man who has never done anything around the house, suddenly starts fussing. And continues to fuss like that (in a positive sense, of course) all my life. Yeah, yeah, all my life. Only, of course, you should not just say "change, bastard, or I'll leave", but really leave, if the change did not happen. That is, you don't stay in a relationship you're not comfortable with. Don't settle for them. I will repeat the same in other words, for greater clarity. It's about the decision not to put up with a relationship you're not happy with. You go to the talks (about them below) are not with a dull bluff - "change or I'll leave. This bluff is utterly useless and only makes people feel blackmailed, to which people often respond in protest. You go into the negotiation with a clear decision of "I'll leave if things don't change for the better.". And here is the encounter with this decision just may turn on the partner's brain. May not include, undoubtedly. But the absence of this decision, the lack of such a position, the presence of a bluff "...or I'll leave" (despite the fact that you're going to stay in the relationship anyway) - this is the brain does not turn on. Guaranteed - it won't. It is important that your partner sees your firmness, your choice not to agree to a relationship you are not happy in. Then - the brain can turn on and conversations can go more or less well. 3. To negotiate and conclude a contract. That, of course, is the hardest part. Negotiations and contracts are taught primarily in a business setting and in a business context. Few people are taught how to negotiate as a couple. And yet, you have to start negotiating and reaching an agreement. Of course, there are no guarantees of a successful conclusion of these negotiations. You never know how they'll end. On the other hand, if you're not satisfied with the relationship anyway, it's better to end it if it can't be improved than to live and suffer. Imagine living in a relationship you're not happy in and having to suffer every day. From beatings, humiliation, tyranny, boorishness, false hopes, empty promises, ignoring, cheating.. I strongly insist that one should never agree to such a relationship. This is a crime. So I'll stress it again - you go into the negotiation with a firm decision not to settle for a relationship you're not happy with. If a negotiation ends badly, then you get out of that relationship. Don't just give the finger, but break up with the person calmly and with full understanding of what's going on. There is, of course, and another option - to reconsider your views on life and stop suffering. It's not the worst option, but I still doubt that it would be helpful for a woman who is beaten by her husband to reconsider her outlook on life and decide that "if he beats you, he loves you.". For some reason I do not believe that this will work here. I think if you want a happy life, you can not make such compromises. You cannot agree to a relationship that does not suit you - only to either rebuild that relationship or break up. It's the only way. Reasonable question - what to do if the relationship is not satisfying for both, but the satisfying relationship looks fundamentally different? How they should be? It's the same - negotiate and agree. It's not easy, but there's no other way. People, if they want to be together, after hard and persistent work, can negotiate. |
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